There is so much pain in your heart. The pain is real. There is nothing more painful than to be alone and no one to share love, to share a life.
Trying to make sense of all this. The lies are there just in front of you. The inner gut feeling is so strong. The actions are so obvious that you must be blind not to see them. The past actions are so interlinked with the present. The pattern is there. The confirmation even more painful, like a sharp sword cutting deep, so deep. So much pain into your heart that you cannot breathe.
You just want to scream. Your heart is shattered again. Your inner body aching so much. You thought you could handle pain, but this is too much again for your heart to handle.
The same monster that wanted you dead, plays the strong silent treatment so to get what they want. The one that hurts you and that the silent treatment is geared to falls for it each and every time. Like a broken record they always reach their goal. Are they afraid to get rid of them? Or just love to have them there so they can satisfy their narcissistic needs? Always protecting them as if they were God and hurting the other at every occasion.
What gives it all away? So many unanswered questions and vague answers. Erased messages to show no communication. Hurried and out of breath answer to a phone call. Not returned phone call. Saying that they always call you before leaving, which is never you that they call. Embarrassed about the lie. No phone calls between parties instead of the multiples that always transpire. The extreme kindness that was never there before.
Are they feeling guilty? Or happiness that they are back with a horrendous manipulating monster? The happiness that they got away? Or the arrogance that they could pull the wool over your head again?
You loved them with every fabric of your being. They did not love you back. Never felt that strong bond to you. They always made you feel as it always was you, your fault, and yet they never truly loved you.
You have been alone for so long that you are aching for someone to truly love you. What you want is someone to love you as much as you have loved in the past.
Shutting down all emotions. You will never give a second chance to anyone, anymore in you life. There is so much pain into your heart, that runs too deep.