What Mark Am I Making In This World

With the world as it is, this question keeps popping in my mind: What mark am I making in this world?

I do not fear death as I have learned at an early age that we all are here, on this hearth, with a one-way ticket. As a result, enjoy the ride as you never know when your stop is next. Fear not, I am not ready to kick the bucket yet. And for the ones that wish I did, sorry, take a seat, kick back, and relax.

Oddly enough, I was faced with that reality of death when I was taken to a wake, over a half-century ago. The deceased was in a home, not embalmed and liquid, gas oozing from every corner. A small village and as I said, over a half-century ago. However, that marked me.

Seeing my young cousin’s white small casket, she was only 2-3 years old when she passed on, being sealed and closed did not help the matter. Having a distant uncle die on my arm just left me with this attitude of no matter.

The older I get, the more I see life as this linear road. A road that is full of emotions, challenges, surprises, events that mold who we are. Yet, how is what we do that makes us being remembered? What are we leaving behind us that will remind others, our loved ones, and friends, that we were here?

How would I be remembered?

I do not mean how many zeros your bank account had. Although, it would be nice for my next generation to have a leg up on life. What I mean, how did I make someone feel?

As an adult, I have tried to be fair and square, even when faced with peoples that were far from being fair and honest. Giving them the penny of doubt and moving along. Hence, they are the ones that have to live with their demons and look at themselves in the mirror, not me.

Being positive in a negative world. Always trying to see the bright side of life. And trust me that is the hardest thing to do when all around you there is always a: ” yes, but…”

Would my family one day see something of mine and reminisce with fond memories? Opposite, would they have the ever so epic eye roll? Would they remember the silly mistakes I made and all laugh with love as they did get to experience a side of me that only they knew? Would they carry me in their hearts? To me, death is a continuum of this life. What mark did I make?

What mark did I make?

Have I touched someone’s heart and made a difference in their life? Was I the person that you went to when you needed someone to talk to? Did something that I said made sense and helped someone clarify an issue.

I had that role model in my life. My grandmother. She was the true matriarch. The person that everyone gravitates towards. Consequently, she could keep secrets better than anyone I know. Always there to help, to listen, to give, to support you, to show you the way. Most of all, she was the person that could read your heart and know how to talk non verbally.

I have tried all my life to emulate her, be her. Each time I think of her my heart warms up. I catch myself asking myself: what would she do right now if she was here?

She made that mark on me and my life. What mark would I make?

xoxo

Giangi

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